Magneto of La Mancha
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Magneto vents about his current state in the world and vows to do something about it.


**Magneto of ****La Mancha**

"WHAT ARE YOU MANIACS DOING?" Magneto roared towering over his subordinates. "WHAT IS ALL THIS?"

"Bagpipe racing," Pyro chirped casually. "Want in?"

"Bag-**what**?" Magneto stared at the half a dozen bagpipes flopping and wheezing down the hallway. The track they were in stretched nearly the hallway's entire length. "How the heck did you lunatics manage to get **bagpipes** to move on their own?"

"It was surprising easy," Remy shrugged while watching the race. "We just needed some dry ice, a pair of jumper cables, a little baking soda, some rocket fuel..."

"WHAT?!" Magneto yelled. "You went and filled a bunch of bagpipes with **rocket fuel**?! Don't you know those things could **explode**?"

"Not with the kind of ammo we're using," Pyro giggled.

"The bagpipes don't climb or get around obstacles very well," Remy explained. "So to make it interesting we just randomly shoot areas of the track every few seconds."

"WITH A SPUD GUN?!" Magneto shouted.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Piotr held up a hand in offering. "Potato?"

"AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!" Magneto yelled and put his hands to his head. "I do not believe this! How did this happen? I set out to dominate humanity and prove the superiority of all mutant kind. Instead I'm stuck babysitting a group of hyperactive lunatics who have the mental capacity of two year olds while watching all my carefully laid plans torn to shreds!"

"Thanks for the sterling support Mags," Remy quipped. "YES! I WON!"

"What happened to my life?" Magneto went on getting caught up in the moment. "Why have you done this to me world? My life was supposed to be one of strength, power, order and destiny. Instead it is filled with nothing but pain, madness, chaos and insanity twenty four hours a day! Why? WHY? I had a goal of leading mutants to achieve total supremacy. Ha! What a crock **that** was! With all the bedlam and lunacy caused by these nuts, attempting to work towards my goals is nothing more than some mad, quixotic dream!"

"Key what?" Piotr blinked, confused.

"Quixotic," Remy said. "It means ideal, impracticable or unrealistic. It comes from the name of some fictional old guy who goes mad and eventually loses his sanity."

"Sounds like a perfect description of Mags to me," Pyro grinned.

"Well I will not let these nuts beat me," Magneto continued to rant with his voice getting more and more insane. "I know what their evil plan is! They want to drive me crazy! They want to turn me into one of them! Just another crazy, loony, out-of-control nut! WELL I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU WORLD! I AM NOT CRAZY! I WILL NOT **GO** CRAZY! I WILL NOT BE BEATEN! HA! HA, HA, HA!"

"Maybe not, but you can be cracked quite a bit," Remy quipped.

"Do you think we finally broke him?" Piotr asked.

"Mags does seem to be going to pieces," Pyro commented.

"I'M STILL HERE!" Magneto roared at the heavens. "I'M NOT LICKED YET! THROW ALL THE LUNATICS AND MAYHEM YOU WANT AT ME! I CAN TAKE IT! I WILL SURVIVE! I WILL PREVAIL!" He dramatically raised and shook his fist. "_Hear me now, oh thou bleak and unbearable world! Thou art crazed and insane as can be!_"

"Oh boy! Racing and a show!" Pyro chirped eagerly.

"Okay, it's official. He's lost it," Remy said. "Not that ever really had it..."

"You have to admit, he does make some good points," Piotr shrugged.

"_But despite all the chaos and havoc you've hurled! I'll achieve mutant primacy!_" Magneto sang and struck a heroic pose. "_I am I, Lord Magneto! Master of Magnetism! My destiny calls and I go!_"

"You go all right," Remy smirked. "Go crazy!"

"So much for his claims not to," Piotr shrugged.

"_And the wild winds of madness will harry me onward! Whithersoever they blow!_" Magneto bellowed strutting around. "_Whithersoever they blow! Onwards to glory I go!_"

"Yay!" Pyro cheered getting caught up in things. He leapt up and stood in front of Magneto. "_I'm Pyro! Yes, I'm Pyro! I'll follow Magneto till the end!_"

"Oh no. Not him too," Piotr groaned.

"Come on, like we didn't see **that** coming," Remy gave him a look.

Pyro continued to sing and dance around happily. "_I'll burn all the world gladly! I love fire! It's my friend!_" He began cackling maniacally.

"Oh we know," Remy whistled.

"Boy do we know," Piotr moaned.

"Yeah!" Pyro spread his arms wide and fired up his lighter. "Ha! Hahaha...aaahhhhhh!"

Magneto strode forward and bluntly shoved Pyro aside. "_Plagued with endless disaster, destruction and doom! Forced to flounder and suffer am I!_"

"You are recording this, right?" Piotr asked.

"Oh yeah," Remy grinned holding up a camera. "Moments like these just **beg** to be preserved!"

"_But no matter the nonsense I'm forced to consume!_" Magneto had a crazy look in his eye. "_I won't have a breakdown and cry!_"

"This is quite entertaining," Piotr smiled at the sight. "Do you think we could get him to do another one?"

"Oh yeah!" Remy laughed. "I can't wait to see what he comes up with for 'The Impossible Dream'!"

"_I am I, Lord Magneto! Master of Magnetism! My destiny calls and I go!_" Magneto sang passionately. "_And the wild winds of madness will harry me onward! Whithersoever they blow!_"

"Is it safe to come out yet?" Sabertooth cracked open the door to his room and peaked out into the hallway. "Is the craziness all over with?"

"_Whithersoever they blow!_" Magneto and Pyro howled strutting around the hallway. Bagpipes sputtered and jerked about at their feet. "_Onwards to glory I go!_"

"Yay!" Remy and Piotr clapped and filmed the spectacle. "More! More! Encore!"

"Never mind," Sabertooth moaned and quickly retreated back into his room.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution ****or the song "Man of La Mancha (I, Don Quixote)".**


End file.
